Let’s talk about uncomfortable manifestations of trauma.
A fundamental aspect of violence is the offender’s ability to impart a sense of guilt and blame upon their victims. If those who have been harmed somehow believe it is their own fault, they become less likely to report, seek crisis services, or even speak about the abuse.
And it’s that silence offenders rely upon.
So when our minds and bodies lead us to cope with trauma in ways we don’t fully understand, the shame gnaws at us. The things we have a harder time reconciling within ourselves—that we would NEVER have done before. They take root within our subconscious as if saying “See? This is your fault, too”.
There are hallmark reactions to traumatic experiences society recognizes and claims to understand. Uncontrollable crying, depression, even panic attacks are typical illustrations conjured up in media portrayals and exchanged via water cooler gossip—err, Slack nowadays I guess?
But what about the reactions that are delayed? Or the ones that show up so gradually that we convince ourselves these are in fact our choices. Those that totally contradict who we were before the trauma took place. We tell ourselves our sleeping patterns are fine. That we want to drink more often and to excess. That it’s entirely our choice to seek out more consensual sexual experiences or to have none at all.
You are not required to carry shame for what it took to get you to today.
The things we do to survive are valid. They are normal. They are necessary.
Grant yourself some grace as you assess your coping mechanisms and never forget—an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation, is normal.
